Following Up and More Clarity

I need to follow up on my last blog and share where I've gotten to in the last few days, so here we go.

I came to a new little bit of clarity last night and it was that the hopelessness was tied into needing to meet other's expectations. If I can't meet their expectations then it's hopeless. There is no point if I can't make everybody happy.

I know how ridiculous that logic is, but there it is. I also realized that my need to fix the problems I see around me is also based on those same expectations. If I don't fix things then I'll disappoint people. If I don't solve it, nobody else will. They are all expectations that kept me stuck for a long time.

I have some issues going on in my life that I would normally fix. Now here's the fascinating thing, my tarot cards will continue to offer me the cycle until I object to it, like I did last night. They offered me the opportunity to fix the problem and I declined. The minute I declined, it shifted the message from my cards.

You see my cards don't stop me from going around in circles. If I need the cycle they are quite willing to stand by and let me go around the loop for as long as it takes. When I offer an alternative that breaks the cycle, makes more sense, isn't coming from pain or creating more trouble, they'll go with it, but only when I do it for myself first.

I have to be able to offer the clarity fully before they'll give me a cycle completion message. I was finally able to do that last night around this idea of hopelessness. I finally figured it out. I stopped victimizing myself and that was the condition I had to meet to break the cycle.

Do you think I cheat the system because I have a level of intuition and I use tarot cards? Do you think I get away with things? hahaha

No, I don't get away with shit. I absolutely have to come to it on my own. I can ask questions and as long as I'm not victimizing myself and there is no pain being offered, they'll answer. But if I come at it from pain or I'm perpetuating a cycle, they won't play. I get ignored hard.

I do have to legitimately do the work. Lately, there has been a lot of encouragement from my cards to write publicly about all of it because of the amount of clarity I can get when I write. I actually get more clarity from writing than I do from my cards lately.

I get it. Writing gives me independence from the cards. It allows me to kind of come to it on my own. Unlike when I first started and the cards offered me everything, now I can figure most things out this way. The cards might hint, but I'll still need to write to figure it out fully.

I don't journal because I don't get the same thing from it. The clarity comes from writing publicly because it holds me in a different space. I automatically move to wanting to gain the clarity so that I can share it with you. I don't do that when I journal. That's why this blog as a whole, Random Thoughts, is so important to me. I still need a place to share what I'm learning so that I can gain the clarity that I need. That informs everything else that I do.

There is a very clear pattern that has been created in my work. I write thousands and thousands of words every day and pretty much all of them are public. Books get left behind often because writing privately doesn't always work. You may remember that I started trying to blog a book, thinking maybe if I made the whole thing public I could get there. But nope. It didn't work. It still kind of got left behind.

I wonder sometimes if it falls into expectations. Do I think people expect me to write books? I don't know. I've never thought about it. This stuff wasn't conscious for me. I never actively sat down and decided that I needed to write books because people expected it.

I think maybe I wrote books because I thought that was the only path to making money as a writer. If you're not a best-selling author then you're not doing it right. Maybe that's all it was.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the idea of writing books, it just doesn't fit right now. It doesn't work right now. I'd rather have 15 blogs on all kinds of different topics and just write in those all the time.

Has anybody ever had 15 different blogs? hahaha

What if I did just start a bunch of topical blogs and write about things as they came up? Would that even work? Is that even a thing? Who does that? Me? I have no idea.

The truth is I'd rather write blogs and essays on social media. I just would. I want my work to be public all the time. I want to find a way to offer ideas on a variety of topics that actually creates some organization and it's not just chaos. I want to give you a way to find the topics that you're looking for more easily.

Yes, I can use hashtags and that kind of thing. That works to a point. But it doesn't create the sort of silos of information that I want to have out there. My original idea was to write the short books, but again, books aren't the way forward for me I don't think. Maybe after a while I could take a collection of blog posts and turn them into books or short reads, but that's the only way it would happen. I don't think I'm actively going to write a book again, even though I like the idea and I have one started. It's just not where I'm going.

The idea of just having a whole bunch of topical blogs is appealing - crazy but appealing.

Oh by the way, this kind of stuff is exactly why I write. This is why I do this. It gives me this level of clarity and random ideas that I may never have come to otherwise. More blogs sounds like a lot of fun to me honestly.

Excuse me while I go figure out how to start 15 different blogs so that I can organize information in a way that makes it easier to find.

Love to all.

Della