Mission Accomplished (Sort Of)
Do you recognize it when it happens? Do you notice that the same things keep happening; the same problems keep occurring? Do you ever wonder why? Let me share my experience of cycle repetition in my own life right now.
There's a cycle happening for me. Having to quickly switch website platforms back to PayHip was part of a larger cycle that's played out in my life for a long time. I did break part of the cycle when I didn't tear down my entire business and start again because I wasn't able to pay for the other platform. I kept the offers I have and I simply switched platforms. Cool! That's a success! That was part one.
I'm being told that I missed something. There is still clean-up to do here, but there was something that I needed to allow first; my human moment. I started out pissed off and frustrated. I wasn't happy. It's an old pattern. It's happened many time before. Mostly these days it's just annoying. But what I've learned is that there is always a reason for things. I don't end up here "just because". There's intention in this little tour. Like I posted on social media, sometimes it's just a scavenger hunt to figure out what I'm supposed to find.
I had to allow myself to have the human frustration. When I worked that out, accepted that I was going to have to move the website again, I made the choice to come back to PayHip and rebuild the site. The frustration left and I just accepted what was. My job now is to question the experience to gain the guidance from it because it's not really about the surface experience.
One of the reasons I've gotten to where I am in terms of my clarity is that I'm willing to do this part of the process for myself. I'm willing to go back and figure out what I missed. I'm willing to forgive the external experience because I accept that it's only trying to show me something. My external experience is actually just doing its job. Even though my human had a moment and wanted to be mad, I still know I have to go back and gain the clarity that I missed the first time around. If I don't do this, I get to repeat the cycle again.
You want to know why things repeat? That's why! If you don't grab that clarity and make a point of picking up everything you're supposed to get, you're going to go back around and do it again. Don't want to do it again? Cool! Go find the clarity you missed. Question your experience!
Do I know what I missed?
Yep, now I do. I forgot to give myself a pat on the back. hahaha They want me to recognize my own growth. They wanted me to recognize that I actually took control of the situation instead of playing victim to it. Yes, a cycle will repeat to get you to recognize your own growth. It's true! People that can't take compliments get tons of them. Why? Because they need to learn to accept compliments. The cycle repeats until you get it. It can be positively reinforced or negatively reinforced; a cycle is a cycle and it will keep happening until you figure it out.
So, what was different this time?
I was still grumpy and I recognize that but I didn't let it stop me. It didn't derail me entirely. I didn't take everything down and start again. I did take responsibility for continuity. I did question the thinking when my tarot cards suggested I should argue with people. (That was a completely pointless argument by the way!) I did post about it and do what I could within the limits that I had to work with. I actually handled that situation "the right way" for me.
I still didn't get what I wanted. But do you know what I did get? More control than I had before; an awareness of my own growth; the ability to stay in the game; clarity; stability; and the inspiration to continue on in my work.
What was the point of this little detour?
To notice my own growth!
Most experiences now are self-contained. They don't spill over into other areas of my life. The website was only about the website. It wasn't about my entire business. It wasn't about my confidence. It wasn't about whether I was good at what I do. It was about my website, that's it. It was a completely contained experience that was limited only to what it was and it was over as quickly as it had begun.
I don't have to hold a grudge. I don't have to stay mad. I see the experience for what it is. Now that I've gotten all the messages and shared what came from it, I move on. I get the fun part of sharing what comes through my experiences. I share the clarity. It's one of my favorite things to do. It creates its own cycle in a good way. Things come up, I move through them smoothly - maybe - I use my guidance to gain clarity around the what and why of my experience, and then I share everything I learn with you. Because I love sharing the clarity, I'm motivated to go find it every single time. I wouldn't trade it.
I don't do these blogs very often anymore because I don't get the same type of clarity that I used to. Things have changed some in my world. I still get clarity all the time, it's just less shareable and so sometimes I'm only sharing the clarity without the experience. Don't worry, you're still getting the benefit of what I'm doing; it just looks a little different now.
The fun part of coming back here and doing this right now is that I get to play in this old space for a minute. I kind of get to see where I am by looking back at where I was. I remember writing these blogs ad ad nauseum for months. So much clarity. So many problems to solve. Look what happened. Maybe it's not obvious from your side of the screen, but lots of things have changed within me.
I'm proud of this journey that I've been on. I never in a bazillion years imagined that I would be here writing this, this way. I remember 3 or 4 years ago, they told me that they were going to make me "fearless". I would be completely unbothered by the journey and totally accepting of it all at the same time. It is possible to accept things and not be bothered by them. It's the weirdest juxtaposition ever. But it's true. I get to totally accept my experience, have complete control over it, and not let it bother me in the slightest. I just move right along.
No, control doesn't mean I get what I want. What do I actually have control over? Myself. Learning to be okay in the crazy is the journey. It's not perfect. I'm not perfect. But I'll take it.
Mission accomplished (sort of).
Love to all.