Staying in The Room

Happy New Year!

I have been so busy with all the things that I haven't had much time to blog, but I wanted to catch you up on my world because it's changed somewhat.

December was very much about tying up loose ends within myself. It was this process of putting some of the pieces together that I was aware of but hadn't fully integrated yet. I've been seeing the skills that I have from a slightly different angle and that's made for some interesting realizations.

The end of 2022 was about staying put. It was about not upending my programs when they didn't fill or nobody showed up. It was about being stable in my offers to help people move forward with their own goals and dreams.

As we moved into the new year, I was offered the idea that not everybody has a set goal in place yet. Some people just know they don't want to be where they are, but they aren't totally sure of how to change that. The strategy is to start making the current reality more comfortable. I've started referring to that as wiggling around in the chair to make yourself more comfortable. By shifting boundaries a little bit, dropping tasks we don't want to do anymore, sorting out what's ours and what's not, we can begin to make our current reality more comfortable without actually going after a specific goal. We don't need a destination to simply fluff the pillows.

When we start making reality more comfortable, eventually it uncovers what we really want. We start to see more of what we like. Life gets a little easier. We feel better. It frees us to find the goal or dream that we buried because we were in pain. That leads us to a place where we get to decide to move in a new direction. Now we have the goal in place and we can begin to make a plan to work towards it.

That's when the fear shows up. Now it gets scary because in order to move forward we have to be willing to stay in place. We have to be willing to manage the fear instead of let it manage us. If we're honest, that's what happens isn't it? The fear manages us and gets us to stop doing whatever we were doing. But if we're managing the fear then the fear doesn't stop us anymore.

How many things in your life have you run away from the minute they got uncomfortable? How many places in your life have you re-directed yourself because you got spooked by something? Probably a lot. Don't think you're alone in that. I spent years of my life running away from everything. I get it.

The way I changed that was by forcing myself to sit in it for weeks and months. I just simply decided to stay there. I used the skill that I had at the time, which was to question what the fear was, why it was there, and what it was trying to show me. What I learned in some cases is that it was just a habit. Eventually I recognized that I could just block the fear because there was nothing to deal with. I had a habit to kick. I didn't have trauma to process. But without questioning the fear, you can't know that. That's what questioning gives you; the ability to understand better what you're working with.

How did I force myself to stay in the room?

That's kind of the million dollar question isn't it? For me it came down to knowing that where I was would eventually kill me. The black hole I was facing was far more scary than the fear that I felt was. It essentially was the lesser of two evils. Staying where I had been was not an option. The bigger goal I had was also strong enough to help pull me forward when I needed that. My decision to stay in the room was survival. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. When I get far enough down the rabbit hole, I have suicidal tendencies that I have to be careful of. I knew that the path I was on was going to lead me there again if I didn't change something. This time, I just chose to change myself instead.

I didn't have the means to run away from my life. I couldn't just pack up and leave even though that's what I wanted to do. I learned how to make myself more comfortable where I was. I wiggled around in the chair a lot. I fluffed the pillows a lot. I found the power that I needed so that I could shift boundaries, sort out what was mine and what wasn't, drop some things and take back others. I began to sort out the proverbial fruit salad of life that I had created. As I did that, life got more comfortable. I was no longer worrying about ending up dead because I found the balance that I needed to find.

I learned how to make life okay by managing the fear of what that process was going to be. That's how I took my power back. That's how I learned everything I've talked about in this blog and more. That's where the processes came from. That's what I'm offering you now.

I've had two vantage points through the entire process. The first was the ground level what is. That's reality. It's just life and lived experience. The second was the helicopter view. I got to see intuitively how it all fit together. I was shown the process at a higher level so that I could piece it together and teach others. That's what I've done.

I still get the same two vantage points now. It hasn't changed all that much. I still, of course, have life and lived experience but then I also get the bird's eye view that allows me to see how my experience fits into the paradigm that I've been given. I don't share it as much anymore, but my personal internal work is very much the same as it was. It's more nitty gritty now. This is more granular. Most of the stuff I shared in the hundreds that I wrote were bigger picture ideas. These are much more narrowly focused and they are fine-tuning my processes.

I'm also being given alternate perspectives on ideas I already had around things like fear. That's giving me the opportunity to come back and share about these concepts differently than I have in the past. It'll connect to a different group of people in a new way. That's kind of cool too!

The last 2 or 3 months have really been tying up loose ends, fine-tuning some things, and re-living old experiences in new ways. I often get to go back over old ground to pick up things that I missed the last time I was there. Having an understanding of your life in this way changes how you see the spiral path that life tends to take. It makes it more clear and gives you to the opportunity to be successful with the old experience. It also helps to make sure you get what you need so you don't have to revisit it again quite so quickly.

If I told you there was method in the madness, would you believe me? There is. Clarity is something the Universe has granted me. I'm very fortunate to be in a place where I can offer it to others. No only can I help you interpret what you experience, but I can also help you manage the fear and un-comfortability that comes with trying to change that experience.

May 2023 be a magical year.

Love to all.

Della