The Dream Changed... Or Did It?

I just need to write this out. What a surprise!

So, I started this whole thing a few years back when I left my last full-time job outside the home. I set out to start a business offering tarot and being a psychic. Yep, things have evolved somewhat from those days.

Slowly that changed (no kidding!) and I started writing. I felt called to start talking about things. Writing became my new old thing because I dropped in high school to be an "adult" and now I was suddenly picking up again. You know how that goes.

This writing thing has led me to understand this concept of self-mastery which is what I now try to share and teach every single day. I get to write thousands of words in a day just sharing whatever comes up. It's absolutely fascinating and I love what I do!

I set out to start a business and I have ended up with a message and no business. I didn't plan that and it's taken me quite a long time to understand what was trying to happen. I suppose it started quite a while back when I dropped things like newsletters and freebies. I had to let go of the idea of making money on it. I had to let go of the idea of working for money. I had to let go of the idea of "being paid for what I do". I had to get over the fear of just volunteering. I had to get over the fear of the bills and all the other crazy money stories I've had for years. I had to let go of my own expectation of what this was supposed to look like.

Did I mention that hasn't been an easy path?

I've felt really stuck lately, like really stuck and it's made me tired. I'd call it burn out except that it doesn't stop me from writing a bazillion words a day. But I'm literally tired of arguing with my life and my work. I'm tired of trying to fit in the dang box. I'm tired of trying to conform to my own expectations, never mind anybody else's. I'm tired of trying to make it work. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of not being where I think I should be and at the same time being exactly where I need to be. I'm tired of being where I am but I'm also tired of trying to get somewhere else. I'm tired of being tired.

All that was just the recipe I needed to quit, not quit writing, just quit trying so dang hard. "I just want to write." I keep hearing that in my head over and over and over again. "I just want to write. How do I make it so that I can just write?" Drop the business. Setup a Patreon account. Setup a forum that allows me to just blast the thousands of words a day out in some sort of an organized fashion. Keep the blogs. Shut down the shop. Stop selling crap. Offer the email inspiration. Stop sharing links. And be done with it.

It's GaryVee (Gary Vaynerchuk) I believe, who said one time that if you just create enough good content, people that are interested will go find your links in your profile. You don't have to sell anything. Okay Gary. You're on. I'm going to do that.

I used to think he was nuts. It's easy to say that when you have a multi-million dollar company and you're not trying to figure out where your next meal is coming from. But how does that work in the practical world for the rest of us that actually need to feed ourselves? That's not real. You can't do that and run a successful business.

Or can you?

I can't sell my message. I can't make people decide to take on healing themselves via self-mastery. It's not like trying to get somebody to buy a new pair of shoes. It's just not the same thing. I can't convince you by just showing you how pretty it is or how comfortable it is. Number one it's not pretty and number two, it's the most uncomfortable thing you'll ever do in your life. Self-mastery is the worst pair of shoes I've ever worn and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

So if I can't sell it, then how do I offer it? What do I do with it? What does that look like?

Writing.

Did I mention writing?

Oh yeah, still writing.

It just looks like writing. It looks like sharing my experience of it and sharing the things that I've learned along the way about it. It's just me doing this. That's it. This creates the content. This is the message. This is the work. There is nothing to sell.

So I'll just write and let go of the business tactics that weren't working anyway. It feels like I'm losing something, but I'm not, I'm gaining my freedom to create more, if that's possible.

Clarity is a good thing but sometimes it can sting just a bit. It's not a bad thing, but I'm having the grieve the business I thought I was creating to bring forward the community that I truly wanted to have. It's going to take some adjusting, but I have a feeling it'll get easier really quickly.

Love to all.

Della